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There was another big clearance sale at the April Cornell warehouse this Sunday. Not a sight to be missed if you’re a spectator rather than a participant. Like many other men, I sat in the car like a Golden Retriever wanting to simply “go for a ride”, while my wife ventured inside.

I had been inside the first clearance sale a few weeks previously and after 5 minutes, I couldn’t wait to escape. This time, I would hide out in the relative safety of my car and watch the adventure unfold, relatively safe from the “feeding frenzy” taking place inside the warehouse.

My first thoughts were of the clearly placed signs in the adjacent parking lot, which quite obviously stated “NO PARKING IN THIS PARKING LOT”. I had to chuckle at the vast number of Susie Homemakers who ignored the signs and parked there anyway. Then, they would skittle out of their cars and either jog or outright sprint away from their vehicles, in order to avoid being seen. One really bold lady parked dead center in front of one of the signs. Either there’s a vast number of illiterate housewives and single Sallies in the Burlington area or a defiant group of Commancheros ready to break all rules in favor of the search for the holiest of feminine grails…women’s clothes!

I felt a little sympathy for the small handful of men who were reluctantly dragged along to the extravaganza. One poor guy looked as if he was being dragged off to the gallows as his wife prodded him along nervously saying “C’mon Jim, there won’t be nothing left if you don’t hurry up!”. What kind of incentive is that? If anything, he then started to walk more slowly. No doubt thinking about the damage toll about to be inflicted upon his credit card.
The automobile traffic was equally hectic and erratic. I watched as impatient shoppers honked in vain at people merely trying to back their cars out and leave. I guess they never reasoned that before you can pull into a parking space, you have to let someone out first.

All in all, quite an adventure. To be fair, I’d have to say that men would probably act the same if Hooters announced a 10 cent draft beer day special. Although for some reason, I don’t think our wives would sit patiently out in the parking lot waiting for us.

P.S. My wife only lasted less than a half-hour inside the April Cornell warehouse. There were as she described it “300 people in line waiting to pay for their purchases” and she didn’t want to wait. God bless her!