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How to Ride a Cow
An Instruction Manual Written by a Farm Girl
by Amanda Burrington
The author of this article, Amanda Burrington of Lowell, Vermont, wrote this humorous article for a college writing course in 2003. The former farm girl’s assignment was to write a “how to” article. While other students focused on various common topics, Burrington decided to write about one of her favorite pastimes from her youth—riding cows. The article earned her an “A” and a lot of laughs. – by Scott Wheeler/Publisher
When Amanda Burrington was growing up in Lowell, she helped out on the family farm.
She also befriended the farm animals. Although she doesn’t recommend it for everybody, one of her favorite pastimes on the farm was riding cows.
Burrington is seen in this picture with one of her “friends” when she was about 12 years old.
Photos courtesy of Amanda Burrington
“Whoa girl! Easy. Easy. Steady now,” I said to my calf-heifer as I prepared for an unpredictable ride over the bumpy meadow. My friend Jennifer was right by my side, also with a calf-heifer, coaxing hers in the same way. On the count of three, we jumped simultaneously into the air, landing on their backs, which were already arched in first-leap as we challenged our skills to hang on.
There are many things to do around a farm, but nothing tops the excitement in riding a calf-heifer around the pasture. The breeze blasting against your face as you hang on for dear life; seeing the trees rushing by as you and your calf-heifer propel forward; the sounds of her hooves biting into the terrain; and you, eventually, being thrown forcefully to the ground, hoping this time it might be a softer landing.
If you are curious and would like to try riding a cow, here are a few helpful hints. This sport is not recommended for adults if the cow is not properly trained: adult bones are too brittle to survive the impact of a runaway cow. Children tend to be better cow riders because they are lighter, more flexible, and can ride without fear of falling off.
Avoid low hanging clotheslines and fences that you might get tangled up in. Watch out for mud puddles and rivers that may cause your cow to unexpectedly stop. Try to eliminate injury by riding in open pastures where there are no low tree branches. Hills can be dangerous, because your calf-heifer may begin to run to fast and slip or maybe she will suddenly stop to watch you tumble down the hill.
The author with one of her childhood friends.
I suggest that you start early training with your young calf. It is important to know your animal, so spend lots of time together; get acquainted. Your animal will begin to trust you and this allows your animal to listen to you when it is time to ride.
Lessons begin when your calf becomes big enough to hold your weight. If she seems unstable, it would probably be better for her if you waited a few more months so that you don’t hurt her back.
To start her training, put a halter on your calf-heifer and take her outside into the pasture; introduce her to the new surroundings. Walk her around the perimeter of the field a few times to ensure that she is not going to spook or get too excited with all the new sounds and smells that are associated with the outside world. Spend a good hour or two per session, just letting her eat the grass and play around you.
After about a week of this, approach your calf-heifer in her pen and tie her up to a railing or put her in a stall. Climb aboard and feel her squirm beneath you. It feels uncomfortable to her, but she needs to get used to your weight before you attempt to ride.
Once you are on and are staying on, let yourself relax; your calf-heifer will settle down when she feels that you are calm. As soon as you are confident that she is not going to try anything that will catch you off guard, you may dismount. Approach her and do the same technique tomorrow.
Next, bring your calf-heifer out into an enclosed barnyard or corral. Here you will need the halter again. Place it over her head. Tie the loose end of the lead to the noseband on the opposite side of the halter to create reins to steer with. Make sure your knot is tight to prevent loss of steering.
Seen on the far right is the author at one of the 4-H cow shows in which she competed.
In order to mount, have a friend there with you to hold your calf-heifer while you climb on. If you do not have a friend, a milk crate will do with a scoop of grain under her head.
While struggling to keep your balance on top of her bony back, feel her jump to one side as she notices your weight on her back. Try to hold on as she runs for the other side of the pen in an attempt to get rid of you.
Abruptly, she will come to a skidding stop right before the fence, so hold on and get ready to lean back. Following the sudden stop, pull on the reins, either right or left, and she will listen because her choices are limited; she can’t go forward.
After a few days or weeks of this, when you feel confident to try this out in the pasture, there are three more things that you will need: courage to climb on your heifer, determination to stay on, and the understanding that at some point you will be confronted with the ground.
Getting on will be more difficult this time because your young heifer will want to go and explore. Hopefully, she is not too spirited at this point. If she is, just walk her around a little more before you advance to ride her.
Once you are up and she has finished her grain, you will enjoy the time of your life. There is not going to be much time between jumping on your calf-heifer and the first beats of her run, so be prepared to have one of the roughest rides of your life. Remember, the halter has reins to pull her head back toward you to slow her down. Pull back and give short forceful tugs on the reins when you are able. Your heifer will begin to listen and realize that your tugging means to stop after you have fallen off a dozen times.
Don’t ever give up by letting your calf-heifer have the best of you. You are in control, or will be at some point. It takes patience and padding, but riding a cow can be accomplished. Stick with it and watch your calf-heifer transform into a magnificent riding cow.
